Friday, June 29, 2012

Managing My Fear

For those of you who don't follow my blog about my current pregnancy, this past Tuesday my water broke at 31wks 3 days. While this was the beginning of the end for William and Ethan, this is a currently a hurdle in getting this baby in our arms, but by no means the end.

Basically my water broke and I have not gone into labor (no contractions, cervix closed) and that key point has given me a huge peace of mind. Our little guy continues to do well on our 3 non-stress tests per day, moves a lot despite loosing almost all of his "cushion."

Am I still terrified...yes, do I worry...absolutely! For some reason I am not over whelmed by those dark thoughts and feelings. I think the key has to be that I was not immediately feeling contractions and that was the solid proof this time is different.

It doesn't hurt that my nephew was born at 32wks, was much smaller than my lil' guy and is now a smart, funny, rough and tumble 8 year old! The odds are so much better this time...and I know that is not a guarantee and there are still so many things that could go wrong.

There have been a few flash back moments to the scary moments of my water breaking with William & Ethan. I also have a bit of anxiety about an hour before the next NST, particularly if the baby has not been moving as much those are the hardest...but once that has passed (and I've gotten the reassurance i need) I truly believe this time will be different.

Knowing the path is already so different makes me miss my twin boys all the more. They should have gotten their chance. I hope they are looking out for their younger brother and will help make sure he arrives safely into our arms!


  1. I didn't know you had another blog, how did I miss that?!?

    I am sorry you are going through all of this drama. How scary for you, but you are right, so many 30+ weekers are just fine. (The overwhelming majority of them.) I was told when I made it to 28 weeks, that our baby's odds of survival were 90%, and at 32 weeks they were the same as a fullterm newborn.
    Have they given you steroid shots for baby's lungs yet? I am guessing they probably have, but if not, definitely ask about them.
    FWIW, my brother was a 29 weeker in the 80's (before they even gave steroids for lung development), he's a healthy, completely normal 25 year old now.

    Being pregnant again, and in the hospital, and all of this stuff, is so hard after you've done it all and lost your baby. And scary! Thinking of you and hoping the baby can bake a little bit longer.

  2. I can imagine how scary that would have been for you. I am very happy that he is staying put in there for now and that you made it to 31 weeks. He has such a great chance and I know that he will be your take home.
    Keep us updated!

  3. Thinking of you daily, Jessica. <3

  4. Sending warm thoughts and hoping for the best. I was born at 32 weeks way back when, and am (well, I think!) a perfectly normal woman! (Okay, so maybe not normal, but...) ;) From my 27 weekers to your little one who is still baking... GOOD LUCK!!!

  5. So glad to hear that Speck has yet to make his appearance! I hope he hangs in there for a few more weeks! Thinking of you!

  6. So glad things are still okay and that this little brother is hanging in there!

  7. Just checking in and letting you know I am thinking of you and Speck!