It wasn't until I walked away that I realized how big her youngest was...she's going to be 3 this Fall. And that's when it all came together and I wanted to throw up. She was born about a month before my twins (4 months before my actual due date) and she is almost 3. I saw her run, climb, go down a slide and call to Mom using complete sentences. Just like my boys should be. Should. Damn I hate that word now. F-ing should.
She's never been a grief trigger for me...she's a girl, a singleton, I hardly ever see her...so it's never been a big deal. This time it was and it made my heart break all over again for my friends that are missing their baby girls.
It was a reality check I really didn't need or want...and my heart just aches.
F-ing should...yes they F-ing should be here. If only love was enough to make it so.