Oh, but I have!
I wasn't going to plan much for Speck...only the necessities, not the nursery design, not a stroller, none of it until it was almost time for his arrival because I know all the things that could change and go horribly wrong before this is a real live take home baby.
Except that crazy thing called hope did more than creep back in after we found out it is a boy nestled in there. As a matter of fact hope came around and took over all logical sense that I had! I know have a Pinterest board for planning the Nursery, have pretty much decided on a stroller and contemplated a name or two.
I wasn't going to do this...it seemed like an impossibility. But now that I know my boys have a new brother I feel the incredible need to celebrate this pregnancy more than I have so far...I think I am finally connected to Speck in a way I hadn't been until now. This is real and as terrified as I am that something could go wrong, I have fallen head over heals for Speck.
He is mine and I am his Mom, no matter what may come in the next 19 weeks. I am in love, again, more than I thought I could be.
I wasn't going to let this much hope back in, but hope can be kind of pushy I guess. Just to show hope that I haven't lost my mind I will make plans, but I won't make any purchases any time soon. That full on investment can wait a bit longer!
Two pieces of my heart that are gone forever and a new piece that brought back joy.
I think it's marvelous that hope has crept in, because it would be so easy not to let it. Can't wait to hear more. (Isn't Pinterest great? I have a nursery board, too, for my future rainbow baby/ies.
ReplyDeleteYou know what honey- I think it is wonderful. In the BLM bloggy word I have noticed that the list of those who shop for, plan, and set up for the next baby is very small.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it, I have to have hope for these babies. Cautious planning, weekly goal setting- it's all part of pregnancy 'after' but without my little rays of light (ordering things, making plans) I honestly don't know where I would be.
So good on you for letting hope in- and don't get discouraged if at times it is harder to find. That happens. Each day is anther step closer...
XO!
I have a wishlist on Amazon of baby stuff. I'm not ready to pull the trigger on it yet, but I know that even creating it was an act of hope. And I liked it. I'm glad you're letting yourself daydream and do a little "Pinterest-planning."
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