Eviction Notice

Speck has received his eviction notice from my doctor...I will be induced sometime this coming weekend. Being a planner it is nice to know then when, but not knowing the specifics is making me a little stir crazy! I know the timing depends on the available beds in labor & delivery, my doctor's availability (active labor trumps my induction) and other factors I can't imagine at this point. What's important is he is going to be born this weekend!!! Sunday would be fun because it's my Dad's birthday (and a few other friends as well).

I have been doing my best not to completely freak out. This is scary stuff, even if Speck wasn't going to be premature. There is a PTSD creeping in with a flood of memories of William and Ethan's delivery. Then there is the fear of something going wrong for Speck either during or after delivery. And let us not forget my fear of being induced and all the craziness that can happen there...labor progressing slowly and lasting an eternity which could lead to a c-section or on the flip side labor progressing rapidly with crazy intense contractions. I still, without a doubt, feel that I'll do anything to make sure Speck gets here safe and sound.

Yesterday I got to take a field
trip to the NICU...hooray for leaving my room for the first time in 16 days! It did ease my mind a little to see it (I am not in the hospitals where my twins were born or where E spent a day in NICU) but it brought back more memories that choked me up and later brought on a the tears. I think the hardest part was wheeling by (I am not allowed to walk further than my bathroom so I was in a wheelchair) a bassinet with a decorated name tag that said Ethan. I couldn't actually see the baby inside, but it was a punch to the chest just the same. It is amazing how fast and furious grief and memories come flooding back.

While I wait (anxiously, nervously)for Speck I am trying to focus on the love and excitement and less on the scary
stuff.

He'll be here soon...holy cow!!!