Monday, January 6, 2014

Numbers on my Mind

This a count down of sorts. I meant for it to be my New Years Eve post but life gets in my way sometimes.

4...the number of sons I have carried. This boggles my mind since I only have Maxwell. I think about William, Ethan and our shooting star constantly...easily as much as I think of Maxwell.

3...pregnancies to date. Again, mind boggling.

2...number of embryos still in cryo-storage. Our last chances at a (living) sibling for Maxwell. child. My rainbow baby, my sunshine. My reason for smiles on most days.

0...number of daughters so far. Perhaps later, only the future knows.


  1. I think one (of so so many) things others need to understand is that simple truth--we think about our dead babies as much as we think about their living siblings.

    I'm sorry your numbers are just so wrong. I wish your house was bursting with rowdy boys!

  2. Those are some HEAVY numbers. xoxo

  3. I know just how you feel. I've had three babies, two pregnancies, and one living son. It's healing to be parenting a child, but it doesn't erase the past or those you are without. I am hopeful those two embryos on ice will become another sweet baby in your arms one day.

  4. Again, the damn numbers. Ugh. I'm sorry - they are heavy and complicated and just not what they should be.