Physically and emotionally I am exhausted.
Art show prep is in it's final days which means lots of extra time at school. Yesterday we had a crazy downpour and my street flooded...that left my backyard with 3" of water in it plus I head to wade through knee high water to get to my house. A combo of bailing, pumping and wet vacing kept most of the water out of the basement. These are some key reasons for my physical exhaustion.
Clearly grief is the root of my emotional exhaustion...that kind of goes without saying I suppose. Honestly, I am tired of feeling the way I do. I love my boys and I miss them with every particle of my being. While my triggers don't drag me down to my darkest depths like they used to, however they still cause a hurt that can't be ignored.
Feeling something close to normal feels like a dream...
Two pieces of my heart that are gone forever and a new piece that brought back joy.
I completely relate to this exhaustion. I miss Eliza constantly but this grief wears me out. It's also incredibly boring. The same old sadness, day after day. I have to believe this won't last forever, but mercy. It feels like I've been here a million years.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, even with nothing else going on, grief just exhausts you to your core. When you have that on TOP of all this other stuff-it just takes exhaustion to a new level. I can't wait for the end of school for you-I hope that the summer will be a time for you to finally have a little break. Not from the grief, we can't really get a break from that, but from the daily grind on top of it all. HUGS.
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