Saying goodbye to our littlest son seems unreal...it hardly feels real at all. Perhaps because the entire pregnacy was hard to process or maybe because it wasn't public knowledge. I was trying to process a lot of guilt because I didn't feel like I was grieving enough. Why don't I feel more upset?!? My therapist told me to go easy in myself because in a way I had started the grieving process before he was actually gone. I already started grieving the loss if a chance at "normal" and prepared myself ahead if time for the worse case scenario, just in case.
I still feel a little disconnected but will work through it eventually. Mainly I am fighting to stay social. Phone calls are unreturned, I rarely read blogs or check Instagram or even go on to FB. I hysterical can't summon the interest half the time and the other half is prioritized for Maxwell.
Grief is weird...and sucks.