And I guess the living is easy...ok not really. But it could be worse...it can always be worse.
I have been out of school officially one week and my house is starting to get clean, house projects are underway (painting the wood trim outside, replacing gutters, termite abatement in the garage, mantle for the fireplace). Really what I am trying to say is I can not sit still for long periods of time. This is kind of challenging when I have lots of reading I need to do for an online course I start today. I think going from a crazy busy pace teaching during the day where I barely get to sit for 15 minutes to have lunch to very few obligations is making me stir crazy. Even the day I went to the beach I didn't sit for too long because I got to play with my friend's 4 year old daughter.
And let this be a lesson to all...if you use spray sunscreen, especially on a windy day at the beach, make sure you have a friend confirm you sprayed your entire back or have them do it for you. I have a crazy splotchy sunburn across my back and arms from where the sunscreen did not hit. The front of my arms, chest and face were adequately suncreened and I barely have a tan. Four hours with out sunscreen on a high UV index day is bad bad bad news. Thank goodness my swimsuit has a high enough back and wide enough straps that wearing a bra is not problematic. I am usually so careful!
I am still trying to stay away from the "what should be" thoughts and thinking more about trying again in August. It is hard. I can't stop thinking about what should be and have to really try to think about August. At my therapist's advice I am not trying to squash all "should be" thoughts, allowing myself to think them quickly and let them go by focusing on what is. I am also taking a moment or two each day to consciously think about our upcoming FET cycle. I have even set a reminder in my to-do list app on my i.pod that way at the end of the day when checking off my completed items I can make the time right then if I haven't. I am a nerd like that...I admit it! It is taking much more effort than I anticipated.
Today I was looking at my calendar and realized that a year ago I was prepping for my egg retrieval on the 3rd and had my transfer on the 8th. It honestly feels like so much longer than a year ago. It feels like someone else's story, not mine. Maybe that is because that all happened "before."
On a proud note...I received an email from the local March of Dimes chapter and their March for Babies award dinner is coming up on the 13th and our team has been invited. I am sure they invite everyone, but I got a second email asking us if we were going because they are giving us an award for being one of the top fundraising teams. Wow! I guess I kind of have to go now. I am so proud of my team and all that they were able to do to honor the memory of William and Ethan. I am so full of gratitude I could burst!