Thursday, April 21, 2011

A little bit mad...

Today was a good day...really and for true! I spent the day with my best friend since kindergarden. We had a nice mani-pedi, fantastic lunch, yummy gelato, tasty coffee, walking in the sun in beautiful Philly and lots of lots of talking. We live about 2 hours apart and days like today are rare. I couldn't have asked for a better day.

So why am I mad?!? Well, it seems like the universe has it in for me and those I love. And it is starting to piss me off. I found out that my best friend had to endure another miscarriage. She had the very same thing happen to her last year (no heart beat at her 10 & 12 week ultrasounds). Both times she didn't want to tell me for fear if hurting me (last year we were dealing with infertility, this year our loss) and while that bothers me to a degree, I am far more pissed off that the universe and powers that let this happen. I know that whatever controls the universe could really care less about what happens in the daily life of mortals and I will seriously kick someone in the shins for saying it is part of the great big "plan." I have never found comfort in religion and any shred of faith I had pretty much disinegrated when I lost my sons. I may feel differently one day, but for now I am pissed. There is no comfort for me there.

On my drive home I cursed and ranted at the unfairness of it all. But honestly, what I carry away from today is a tiny bit of anger hidden in the shadow of love and happiness because I have the best friend in the world who will stick with me through thick, thin, near, far, ups and downs. And if the universe wants to try to break us, well, good luck with that...we've got each other (plus a few other great people) to get us through.

I may be a little bit mad, sometimes sad...but I am a whole lot happy too.


  1. wow the day sounded great until you mentioned your friends loss. It just isn't fair. Why me, why you why her, why any of us. I don't like hearing anything related to this is all part of a plan neither. If there were to be some kind of big plan as to why this happened why the hell did we get the shit end of the deal on that one. Sorry to be ranting back a little about this but its already unfair when we have to live through this but then to hear about a dear friend also. It just isn't fair. Thinking about you both

  2. So sorry for your friend's loss. But so happy that you have her in your life. You are very lucky.