Tuesday, December 4, 2012


Two days that turned our world upside down...
Two boys so very missed...
Two years of heartache...
Two parents still trying to cope.

I still can't figure out how fast this past year has gone little lone the last two. While my heart is filled with joy because of William and Ethan's brother, there are still two pieces forever missing and a raw feeling that can only come from deep grief. On days like today the rawness hurts as much as the day they were born and gone. Today is their birthday and the day we said goodbye to William, sweet baby A. Tomorrow is the day we said goodbye to Ethan, sweet baby B, after 24 hours of trying to hold on to hope.

Dear William & Ethan,

My sweet boys, oh how Daddy and I miss you! Today should be your second birthday and we wonder what kinds of boys you would be...are you quiet and shy or giggly and talkative? Would you be on the go constantly or happy to snuggle and look at books? So many questions about the two of you that will always be a mystery. Now that your brother is with us we are even more aware of what we are missing without you here.

There are moments that I feel certain that you must have a special connection to your brother. Not only is there a strong physical resemblance, but I wonder about a psychic connection. There have been several instances where Maxwell stares at a corner in his room and babbles and smiles for several minutes...is he talking to you? It warms my heart to think he is able to communicate with you.

I think of you everyday, sometimes with tears because my heart still aches for you and all the dreams and hopes that come with wanting your first born sons. You are missed beyond measure. Sometimes I am able to think of you with a smile because I love you so!


  1. Two....I just can't even believe it. Missing your first two sons with you today, tomorrow and every day <3

  2. I'm the third to comment... and those 3 days were the end of 4 little lives. December 4, 5, 6. Such freaking heartbreaking days. Wishing this was all so different. Loving and remembering your boys.

  3. Thinking of you both and your sweet boys.

  4. Sorry that I missed this, I've been pretty absent from blogging lately. Sending hugs and belated birthday wishes to your boys! Two years is hard to comprehend isn't it!?