Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Forgotten, Overlooked, Ignored?

This morning started out pretty good. We are getting a pretty nasty ice storm and my school has a two hour delay. I can never fall back asleep after the 5am phone call announcing the delay or cancellation so I figured I would take the time to scan and share the tangle I mentioned in my previous post.

As I was finishing that post, my ipod chimed a calendar is an infant loss group meeting at a local hospital. That is fine, but what is upsetting me is that 2 weeks ago when I called to find out more I spoke to a woman (presumably runs the group) who asked me all sorts of questions about my loss, told me I would be receiving a letter with more information and I should call after receiving it to let her know if I would be joining the group. I had planned on going to see if I "liked" the group (no one likes being part of this group so I use that word loosely) because there are a few in my area. we are on group day, I completely forgot (thus the reminder) but the primary reason I forgot is because I never received a letter! It is a ridiculous thing to cry over but here I sit in tears because once again I have been forgotten/overlooked/ignored.

I have generally been a shy person throughout my life. Being a quiet, in the back of the crowd kind of person means you are often forgotten/overlooked/ignored. It sucks, but it happens. But throughout my life family, friends and strangers have forgotten/overlooked/ignored me for one reason or another. It doesn't always bother me, but there are times when it most definitely does and I remember those moments vividly...from the junior high party that every single one of my friends was invited to except me, my parents forgetting to tell me my kitty died while I was in my freshman year of college, and my birthday my husband forgot one year. Even Raymour & Flannigan neglected to reschedule a furniture delivery after a phone call with explicit instructions and a conversation on why I would be home on a certain day. There are more of course and I have certainly forgotten things too (my own wedding anniversary during grad school finals).

Please explain to me how I could be forgotten this someone who speaks and possibly organizes a bereavement group for parents who lost babies. I know that loosing a child is not completely uncommon but just once I would like to not have push to be recognized or acknowledged. For f*cks twin baby boys died almost two months ago.

Yeah..I am angry, upset, crying and will probably NOT go to this group now. I'll take it as a sign and cut my losses and try a group at another hospital. Today is probably going to suck now. Great.


  1. Oh honey... I'm sorry. I've never done a group setting like that and I cant even imagine how you must feel. I would call the woman and let her know. That is something that needs to be brought to her attention.

  2. Sweetie, I am so very, very sorry. I will say, although I don't consider myself a "support group" kind of girl, the local infant loss support group was probably the most helpful thing I made myself do after I lost my twins. So, for this one thing, I would highly recommend that you overlook the missing letter and do this FOR YOU! I will tell you that the first groups were awkward and sad, but after that, I felt I learned stuff and was supported by others in the group who although didn't have my exact experience, had lost an infant (miscarriage, still birth, and neonatal loss like mine).

    I do recognize how hard this is - honestly sometimes I found just getting out of bed to be more than I wanted to do. So, if you can't do it, don't fret. But, if you feel you can, I think there is value in a good infant loss support group.

    Hugs to you.

  3. Lost in the mail? Typo in the address?

    I didn't do an infant loss support group, but now after attending LLL meetings, I find that I do like the group setting - if the group is good. The only way you'll know if it is a good fit for you is if you go and check it out. Maybe that lady is not even the moderator.

    The nice thing about a group like this, you can go and not talk at all. I rarely talk during the group part - I just like to listen and feel supported.

    Although I do think you have a great topic to bring up!

  4. I'm so very sorry this happened. Whatever the reason, it hurt you and that sucks. After all the pain you've had to cope with it just seems ridiculously cruel when little things like this happen. I hope your day was not horrible and hope that if you wanted to go to the group you don't let this put you off. I never did the group support thing but I think it is a fantastic idea and I know lots of ladies who have found it an essential part of learning to cope.

    Also - I've awarded you a blog award (or three?). If you feel like participating the details are over on my page. *hugs*