This morning started out pretty good. We are getting a pretty nasty ice storm and my school has a two hour delay. I can never fall back asleep after the 5am phone call announcing the delay or cancellation so I figured I would take the time to scan and share the tangle I mentioned in my previous post.
As I was finishing that post, my ipod chimed a calendar reminder...today is an infant loss group meeting at a local hospital. That is fine, but what is upsetting me is that 2 weeks ago when I called to find out more I spoke to a woman (presumably runs the group) who asked me all sorts of questions about my loss, told me I would be receiving a letter with more information and I should call after receiving it to let her know if I would be joining the group. I had planned on going to see if I "liked" the group (no one likes being part of this group so I use that word loosely) because there are a few in my area. Well...here we are on group day, I completely forgot (thus the reminder) but the primary reason I forgot is because I never received a letter! It is a ridiculous thing to cry over but here I sit in tears because once again I have been forgotten/overlooked/ignored.
I have generally been a shy person throughout my life. Being a quiet, in the back of the crowd kind of person means you are often forgotten/overlooked/ignored. It sucks, but it happens. But throughout my life family, friends and strangers have forgotten/overlooked/ignored me for one reason or another. It doesn't always bother me, but there are times when it most definitely does and I remember those moments vividly...from the junior high party that every single one of my friends was invited to except me, my parents forgetting to tell me my kitty died while I was in my freshman year of college, and my birthday my husband forgot one year. Even Raymour & Flannigan neglected to reschedule a furniture delivery after a phone call with explicit instructions and a conversation on why I would be home on a certain day. There are more of course and I have certainly forgotten things too (my own wedding anniversary during grad school finals).
Please explain to me how I could be forgotten this time...by someone who speaks and possibly organizes a bereavement group for parents who lost babies. I know that loosing a child is not completely uncommon but just once I would like to not have push to be recognized or acknowledged. For f*cks sake...my twin baby boys died almost two months ago.
Yeah..I am angry, upset, crying and will probably NOT go to this group now. I'll take it as a sign and cut my losses and try a group at another hospital. Today is probably going to suck now. Great.