What a week!
I forgot to mention in my last post that while I was away on vacation I received the invitation/reminder letter to the bereavement group at one of the local hospital I mentioned in this post. Hubby and I went, but I am not sure what to think about it yet. The group dynamics were a little awkward but it could be helpful over time. I am glad that I wasn't completely forgotten as I feared. There are other groups in the area I still may check out to see if it is less awkward or just a better fit. I can see the possible benefit, but find my weekly one-on-one sessions provide the bigger impact.
All week I have been trying to find out why I have yet to receive a death certificate for Ethan, with no clear answers at the moment. Yesterday during lunch I made a few phone calls one of which, while not productive, was with a very kind woman who said that she was sorry that I needed to do this and she wishes she could have done more for me. This was a stark contrast to the nasty lady I talked to next. She was so short with me...or to be more accurate rude... and was no help at all. I ended up in tears and hanging up on her to give you the short version of the story. My sister is going to make some calls for me since I am a wreck about it now. Ugh! That horrible conversation on my lunch break sent me on a downward spiral for the afternoon and thankfully the teacher across the hall from me, who is my guardian angel now, cheered me up so I could teach my last two classes.
Today marks three months since my William and Ethan's birth. I managed to pull myself together enough to go to school and my angel of a friend (the same teacher mentioned earlier) checked in on me first thing, told me to come to her room during my prep so I wouldn't be alone and we were going for a walk during lunch. This made all of the difference in my day. I actually feel good now...maybe not happy...but definitely ok. Such a huge difference from yesterday and compared to this day last month. How can it possibly be three months that have passed?!?
In memory of my little boys I have decided, on what should be their 3 month birthday, to walk in the March of Dimes "March for Babies" on May 1st. I am going to get my family and friends to walk with me and honor my sweet peas. I am just getting my family team page together, but have added a badge to my side bar. I am still learning all that is entailed, but to raise awareness and money to support premature babies and their families is the best thing I can think of right now to honor their memories.
Two pieces of my heart that are gone forever and a new piece that brought back joy.
I wish I could walk with you.
ReplyDeleteI think March for Babies is an excellent way to remember your boys.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first bereavement group I went to. I also felt awkward. It was just 2 1/2 months after Luke passed away and I was still very much in denial that I even fit in with this particular group. I didn't want to fit in - I didn't want to belong. It was hard. Even reading blogs about others' losses is overwhelming for me at times, but in the end I take comfort that I'm not alone in my heartache. Though I wish no one else had to know what it feels like to lose a child, it's nice to have support from those who truly understand.