The tree is up, stockings are on the mantle (I actually have a mantle this year!) and other decorations are up around the house...and yet there is a very conspicuous hole. The children who are supposed to be center of our Christmas are not here. This makes the holiday a whole lot less merry. Last year I was numb and in a haze of grief and pain. This year I am in a much better place emotionally...but there is (and will always be) missing.
I am trying to not focus on how I am feeling post-transfer...tired, crampy...mostly because I know these can be caused by all of the hormones I am taking as much as any potential pregnancy. Some how hope is still strong and I am doing my best to get reacquainted with this stranger.
(the ornament is one I received at my baby shower just a few hours before my sweet peas were born...I hung it on our tree last year and will every year.)