Monday, December 12, 2011

Trying to get in the holiday state of mind...

The tree is up, stockings are on the mantle (I actually have a mantle this year!) and other decorations are up around the house...and yet there is a very conspicuous hole. The children who are supposed to be center of our Christmas are not here. This makes the holiday a whole lot less merry. Last year I was numb and in a haze of grief and pain. This year I am in a much better place emotionally...but there is (and will always be) missing.

I am trying to not focus on how I am feeling post-transfer...tired, crampy...mostly because I know these can be caused by all of the hormones I am taking as much as any potential pregnancy. Some how hope is still strong and I am doing my best to get reacquainted with this stranger.

(the ornament is one I received at my baby shower just a few hours before my sweet peas were born...I hung it on our tree last year and will every year.)


  1. I've been praying this cycle works for you! And I hope Christmas isn't too hard this year.... I am filled with reminders of how hard it was for us last year, and can't help but imagine how Christmas should be with Kristen here with us. It sure makes it hard to celebrate!

  2. Thinking of you, and this cycle, and the complicated emotions of the holidays. Hugs.

  3. I LOVE that ornament! You are not alone trying to get on the Christmas bandwagon...I'm trying too...okay maybe truth be told I'm not trying very hard so you are already way ahead of me. Sending you good thoughts for this cycle!