I do not like days like today. Actually there are many different kinds of days I do not like but this one is lowest on my list.
Today was one of those days where every part of my boys' existence feels like it didn't really happen. The IVF process, my pregnancy, the baby shower, my water breaking, the birth and death of my sons...all of it seems like it never happened. If not for my pudgy belly, the memory necklace on my neck and the memory boxes sitting in the guest room I feel like it was a dream at best.
I know it happened and still feel the pain. Is this a form of denial? Whatever it is I can not just let myself accept this feeling. I can accept the pain, anger, sadness and just about every other emotion grief has thrown my way. I know this feeling will pass as it has before. It is just not one I can move through.