Yesterday I got to breath a small sigh of relief. It was ultrasound day...the chance to see who (or rather how many babies) I was carrying and if there was a heartbeat. This is a much anticipated appointment as you can imagine and I think I get one more good peak before we are released to my regular OB.
With relief we indeed see a heartbeat, and only one heartbeat. It was a beautiful, amazing sound that provided so much comfort to my stressed out nerves. So far, so good.
I am thrilled, and some what relieved, that I have one thriving speck. This is the next check point on the path towards a live, take home baby.
At the same time part of me is grieving the loss of a second chance at being a twin momma. In my heart I know that my risk factor is reduced by carrying a singleton, but that didn't quell the tiniest bit of hope that maybe I might still get that chance at twins.
On a rather funny note the hubby saw the one little speck we have and pronounced that is a girl during the ultrasound. The doctor, with out missing a beat said, "Of course, she has beautiful hair." I burst out laughing. The hubby tends to get strong feelings like this so we shall see if he is right!
Two pieces of my heart that are gone forever and a new piece that brought back joy.
I can imagine you had hopes for that second chance at being a twin mom. That's much how I felt about this baby being a boy-- but goodness, I would be so grateful just to have a healthy child. Period. And I absolutely know you agree... just so hard to let go of what we had dreams of for so long.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the healthy little speck. It's definitely less risk-associated, but I'd be lying if I didn't secretly wish twins for myself as well. I tried to rationalize that if I were pregnant twice, the very least is to have to live babies to show for two full-term pregnancies. Not exactly logical and a bit wonky, but anyway. I understand the madness and thoughts.
Just so thankful you saw a live little one twinkling in there. :)
So thrilled that there was a heartbeat! I know that with our rainbow pregnancy, we tried everything we could with our treatments to conceive only 1--we conceived 2. I was scared at having twins again, thinking we wouldn't bring this set home either. By the time I came to terms with another twin pregnancy (and that I'd get the chance to raise twins again), our little Tittle had passed away. Whether you found one or two on your u/s today, I think it would have been bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Jessica! We haven't gotten to that point ourselves yet, as we're still trying to conceive again after the loss of our twins in August, but I wonder how it will feel to finally see a heart beat (or beats) on that ultrasound screen. We've only ever known two at once...it's good to hear that seeing only one can be just as joyful. (Your doctor sounds like a crack up, by the way!)
ReplyDeleteY'all must have had a beautiful moment at that U/S. So thrilled for you!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful speck, beautiful heartbeat! What a relief it is for you to hear and see. I can imagine not getting to be a twin momma again this time around would be hard, but I know how thrilled you must be at the chance to make your boys big brothers. I hope the good news just keeps coming!
ReplyDelete