Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Is fear winning?

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my regular OB and although there is no reason to think things are less than ok...but all I can think about is that I need to be prepared to hear the worst because that is what is coming.

I have a feeling that this is comes from making my list of questions to ask tomorrow. Going back over my pregnancy with my boys with a fine tooth comb, reviewing my medical records for any detail missed and replaying the day I went into labor trying to see if there were any clues as to what was about to happen. I've done this a million times but now there is another life on the line and no answers.

I lost my boys because my water broke at 23w6d and I had "silent" labor that proceeded very quickly once my water broke. So how do I stop this from happening again?

That's the question at the top of the list. I am terrified that not having the answer to why it happened in the first place doesn't leave many options.

So, now to figure out how to stop fear from winning.


  1. I'm curious what the game plan will be for this time. Since there is no real understanding of your premature labor, there is not really a lot to fix. You think they'll put you on bedrest? I know this is incredibly scary. Definition of insanity, isn't it? I think that same thought quite frequently. :/

    Thinking good thoughts for you.

  2. Go to an MFM/high risk OB/perinatalogist who specializes in this sort of thing! Ask your doctor for a referral if you haven't already had one. There is no harm in seeing two doctors- having two sets of eyes- watching over you and your little one.

  3. I totally hear you. I had the same thing happen to me with my twins and I am scared to try again without any answers. All I can suggest is to keep asking questions and see a MFM perinatologist to see if they can help.
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can imagine how hard it must be.

  4. If you figure it out be sure to share how you did it with me. I'd like to stop the fear from winning too.

  5. Wishing you all the best. I know how scary the lack of explanation can be. I hope close monitoring will help you fight the fear.