Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Is fear winning?

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my regular OB and although there is no reason to think things are less than ok...but all I can think about is that I need to be prepared to hear the worst because that is what is coming.

I have a feeling that this is comes from making my list of questions to ask tomorrow. Going back over my pregnancy with my boys with a fine tooth comb, reviewing my medical records for any detail missed and replaying the day I went into labor trying to see if there were any clues as to what was about to happen. I've done this a million times but now there is another life on the line and no answers.

I lost my boys because my water broke at 23w6d and I had "silent" labor that proceeded very quickly once my water broke. So how do I stop this from happening again?

That's the question at the top of the list. I am terrified that not having the answer to why it happened in the first place doesn't leave many options.

So, now to figure out how to stop fear from winning.

5 comments:

  1. I'm curious what the game plan will be for this time. Since there is no real understanding of your premature labor, there is not really a lot to fix. You think they'll put you on bedrest? I know this is incredibly scary. Definition of insanity, isn't it? I think that same thought quite frequently. :/

    Thinking good thoughts for you.

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  2. Go to an MFM/high risk OB/perinatalogist who specializes in this sort of thing! Ask your doctor for a referral if you haven't already had one. There is no harm in seeing two doctors- having two sets of eyes- watching over you and your little one.

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  3. I totally hear you. I had the same thing happen to me with my twins and I am scared to try again without any answers. All I can suggest is to keep asking questions and see a MFM perinatologist to see if they can help.
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can imagine how hard it must be.

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  4. If you figure it out be sure to share how you did it with me. I'd like to stop the fear from winning too.

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  5. Wishing you all the best. I know how scary the lack of explanation can be. I hope close monitoring will help you fight the fear.

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